Dating often leads to marriage so how does one go about choosing a dating partner? Whether you are a younger individual, an older single, or an older person who has experienced a “gray divorce”; it is essential to know what qualities predict long term relationship satisfaction, and essentially treat dates similar to an interview process to ward off any potential problems. This “interview process” can be done discretely without a potential mate realizing that he or she is being screened. In today’s world, many individuals are joining dating sites, but are the dating sites creating valid matches?  While some people meet their life long marriage partner on a dating site, research from peer viewed journals state that couples who meet online are six times more likely to get divorced than couples who meet through friends or family, work or attending a function or doing an activity. Obviously, research shows that one cannot rely on dating sites to determine compatibility. It is easy to get involved romantically before considering compatibility or considering potential problems that could arise in the future as individuals often do know what predicts long term martial satisfaction. 

One of my favorite pastimes is reading my local newspaper and the Wall Street Journal. I read an article stating that popular dating sites were losing money and have decided to do a higher price subscription in an effort to attract more users. As a relationship expert and also a businesswoman, I did not see the value in raising prices. Other sites were limiting users to one match a day to slow down the dating process and encourage more mindful dating.  While there are individuals who meet their life long mate on dating sites, studies from peer reviewed journals report a higher divorce rate after 3 years for couples who meet online but a higher reported relationship satisfaction during the first year of marriage but the relationship satisfaction eventually fades. Could this be due to individuals placing a high emphasis on the attractiveness of matches and chemistry, and the fact that people present themselves as flawless online? Studies show that matches often overlook personality traits as physical beauty is what initially peaks interest with matches. Behind screens, individuals can be anything that they want to be and of course, they are not going to disclose their faults.  A simple scientific / medical explanation will suffice as to why relationship satisfaction is strong at the beginning of a relationship but eventually decreases. When two people are romantically attracted to one another and begin a relationship, their brains produce a cocktail of chemicals (Oxytocin, Phenethylamine, Serotonin, Norepinephrine, and Dopamine) which causes them to ignore any potential issues and often blinds them to key differences, flaws and any potential problems. These chemicals eventually wear off within 2- 3 years but often not before the couple has declared their love for one another and committed to marriage. Individuals often do not consider that they could be blind to the other person’s shortcomings, and they often do not consider what qualities predicts long term relationship satisfaction as they are under the influence of chemicals produced by the body which enables them to move towards one another and please one another. While physical chemistry is important, individuals must look beyond chemistry to determine compatibility. 

Individuals must look beyond physical attraction and consider deeper issues of compatibility. Why waste time continuing the relationship if you are not compatible or want different things out of life?  I know of a college student who thought about his future and what he wanted in choosing a potential mate. He took a young lady out on a few dates and found out that she did not want children. For him, that was a deal breaker so he ended the relationship. Research shows that similar interests, similar values, a passionate outlook on life, intelligence, personalities, educational level, attachment styles, conflict styles, political views, views on finances, spiritual views, views on children, views on work and recreation, and views on relationships and commitment all play a part in long term relationship satisfaction. Yet most individuals do not consider how these things impact a relationship. Meeting with a professional to help you navigate the dating scene is beneficial as it can help you avoid committing to someone who brings you future heartache.