Does your Date have a Zest for Life?

It’s easy for your date to be excited to be with you. After all, the honeymoon chemicals are propelling him or her towards you as brains produce a cocktail of chemicals that give feelings of euphoria. However, these chemicals will wear off within two to three years, give or take. How does one determine whether or not a partner will continue to work on the relationship after the honeymoon stage is over and throughout marriage? While there are no guarantees and one cannot change their partner, there are some attributes and views that are helpful in maintaining lifelong passionate love.  

Although it takes two individuals who have good communication skills and a growth mentality of relationships to have a great relationship, studies show that individuals who have a zest for life and are passionate about life can also help sustain that passion in a romantic relationship. If a person is passionate about their work, interests, hobbies, and even politics; that person is more likely to approach a relationship with a lifelong passion, thereby being willing to do the things that would sustain the relationship long term as all relationships need maintenance.

Generally, if a person is passionate about taking in all that life has to offer, they are more likely to be willing to participate in novel activities as a couple. Studies show that partaking in regular novel activities can help keep passionate love alive. In a dating relationship, most couples partake in regular novel activities but as the honeymoon chemicals wane and life gets busier; some couples will forgo regular date nights and settle for a night of passive activities such as watching tv or being on the internet.  Unfortunately, TV,  movies and internet do not keep passionate love alive.

If an individual is positive and passionate about their life; they are more likely to have the ability to sustain positive illusions about their partner and maintain positive regard which are key traits that leads to sustained romance. One’s ability to continue to see their partner as good looking, intelligent, funny, and caring is one of the predictors of long- term relationship success. Communication skills and the ability to resolve conflict in a healthy manner also plays a role in having a positive regard for your partner.

With both dating couples and married couples, I ask each individual to take turns in planning a weekly date without getting input from their partner. This allows each individual to learn more about their partner. While I like for the date to be a fun novel activity, the purpose is to connect on a deeper emotional level. One husband shared with me one of the best dates that his wife of 20+ years had planned. She took him to a cemetery to have a picnic. At first, he said he was looking over his shoulder, thinking that it was spooky but then his wife began sharing about how she grew up going to this cemetery and having Sunday picnics with her family and extended family as her relatives were buried there. She had such fond memories of playing with her cousins at their weekly picnic when she was young. This husband had desired to know his wife on a deeper level as she was a very private person so he was thrilled to hear her share while eating and watching the sunset. Thus, if you are dating someone, toss around the idea of taking turns planning dates. It’s a great way to learn more about your date and their interests.