Ad hominem is a latin term that refers to a rhetorical strategy where the speaker attacks the other person rather than the substance of the argument. During election years, when my children were growing up, we would watch the political debates. While there were some minor attacks between political opponents, it involved attacking their opponent's  viewpoint. The dialogue was mainly focused on each politician’s viewpoint on the issues. I do not recall name calling or cursing during the debates back then. Today, it seems that politicians are more interested in attacking their opponents rather than stating their positions on the issues. Cursing, belittling and name calling has infiltrated our political debates and speeches. This is certainly not a good example for anyone to follow. I have wondered about these politicians' marriages as it is not easy to turn off and on that kind of rhetoric nor is it easy to switch out narcissistic behavior for humility. I suppose that some of their spouses have dealt with difficult marriages by having a positive outlook on life and a zest for all that life has to offer thereby immersing themselves in their family, jobs and giving back to their community.

There will be conflict in every marriage as marriage involves two individuals from different backgrounds living together closely and making decisions together. Unfortunately, when couples are not skilled in communication and conflict resolution, the relationship can deteriorate to the point of resorting to ad hominem attacks. Conflict is never settled by attacks on one's character. When a spouse belittles and attacks their spouse; it is at the high cost of resentment and loss of self- respect. Respect is a noble word which assumes that one’s rights, desires and needs are as equal and as important as one’s own. Having respect for one another involves listening to validate the other person’s desires and needs. Respect promotes a power balance so that each spouse is valued. Showing respect in a conversation involves listening to understand rather than defending one’s position, attacking, or discrediting one’s partner.